Birthing the present

This morning I was called in for a birth. The thrill and excitement never grows old as I prepare to drive to the hospital to meet the woman I will doula for through Woodwinds Volunteer Doula Program, I am humbled at what I may or may not encounter and the unknown that lies there. I have only been participating in this program for a little over a month and already I have been called four times. As I leave my house this morning, with the snow still falling after blanketing our yard with an additional four inches overnight, I catch myself contemplating my need for a ritual to mentally, physically, and spiritually prepare myself for someone's birth. The last one I attended was hard. While I have processed all that happened at her birth (much thanks to my conversation with you K!), which ended in cesarean after a long labor, and seen her since, I realize the need for such preparation. I have a ritual for after I leave a birth. I walk through snow. I wipe the souls of my feet clean and offer gratitude for the honor and opportunity to be at a birth, and blessings on the new babe and parents.

Today's birth was easy on me. I went in to meet the parents, they informed me that they just found out the baby was breech and that they were slotted for a cesarean and no longer felt they needed me. After talking with them, I was amazed at how at peace they were with this turn of events. I savored their ability to relax into their present reality. I think I would have gone kicking into that knowing that breech babies can be delivered vaginally if the care provider is willing and the mom advocates for it. I would have been calling in acupuncture and pleading for aversions--I mean an inversion. No I would not have gone gently into that change of course. This mom's optimistic resolve was inspiring. That is the lesson I took from her birth. She stayed right there with her present reality, pure acceptance.

I was home by noon. Happy to see my boys, tuck them in for a nap, and take some time for writing and rest myself. My writing soon became an invitation for a Zen sitting after I wrote my blog last night I became aware of how much I needed it and missed it. It went like this:
"Sink into silence I told myself, watch my breath-- I can do this."
Seconds later aware of the iPod still playing downstairs and U2 singing, I told myself, "Let go of the music."
Aware of the subtle noise of L. flipping pages of books in his bed, "Let go of the pages. Let go of whether L. naps or not."
Aware of the itch on my chin, "Let go of the itch, okay give into the itch." So I did.
Aware of my breath moving from my neck to my abdomen I heard my digestion at work, and gave gratitude for my breath now settling into my belly.
Aware of my baby kicking, "Let go of the baby, return to breath," and amazingly I finally sunk into a deeply relaxed state of silence able to neither be tempted away from it by distraction, nor needing to focus in on it. Just to be, and that gift from this morning's birth of being in the present sank to another level and my mind let go of the trillion tasks of life's little intrusions I hoped to tackle today, dry cleaners, laundry, writing, returns, etc. and for 15 blissful moments I was just as I am.

L asleep, although not from today, from many "presents" before when his naps were a given!