A "good" bye

Blinkers flash and I scurry Finn out. Parked illegally during school drop off I explain to him I can't stand and wait for him to go inside. The bell rings, he grabs his boots out of the car, his pack, and his breath bellows in the winter air, "Ok, bye mom."

Like that he is gone. No walking him to his line. Just a dash, a wave back with his boot-filled hand. My heart skips and my mind--that's not what I meant, not here, not now, not yet. I feel his umbilical cord cut a little more, this time by him, and I feel the pain of the snap. Yikes! Worry sets in. What if he doesn't make his line? Or he gets snatched between the curb drop off and the line and I don't know it until the trail is cold! What if...I need to breath. I need to settle my mind.

I try to reverse to see him and can't amongst the traffic flow. I circle the block, but he's gone; the school plaza empty.

After I drop Liam, I bring the tuition check back that in my flurried drop off I forgot. I sneak a peak past Finn's classroom. They are in the hall getting dressed for outdoor recess. His back is to me, I hear his laughter and he shakes his snow pants with an authoritative snap into the air and just like that he's grown a little more. My heart swells. I sigh and turn before he spots me--stuck between his school world and home. I miss him.